How to be successful in Marriage or Long-term Relationships

A long term relationship as in marriage is very hard. I’ve been married for over 30 years and together for over 33 years. My overall thoughts about long term relationships are it takes the following ingredients to make it work out:

  • Commitment
  • Forgiveness
  • Love….unconditional
  • Communication skills…impeccable
  • Honesty….raw
  • Knowing when not to say anything
  • Meditation
  • Believe you were brought together for a greater purpose
  • Freedom……allow all expressions
  • All emotion is good….but do no harm
  • Mutual Respect….try…”no harm, no foul”
  • Partnership
  • Listening skills
  • Sex, sex and more sex….not necessarily with just your body….your mind has to be involved
  • Allow….all expressions of thought, ideas, philosophy
  • Don’t assume ownership
  • Keep your mind open
  • A quest for self improvement…..Always do inner work on yourself first
  • Let go of blame
  • Nothing is as it seems…..we live in our own illusion
  • “Check yourself before you wreck yourself”
  • See though the obvious….the reality is not necessarily what you see in front of you
  • Frustrations usually go deeper than the present event
  • Listen to the humor…’s usually the truth
  • Watch each other’s back without being judgmental
  • Compromise….two (or more) people with individual agenda’s need to meet in the middle
  • Make a decision…is it worth fighting for? (there’s no wrong answer here) Proceed from there.

Hello my beautiful people!


My Turning Point Story

Hello my name is Ilia Blandina CNM ARNP. I am an EFT and Matrix Reimprinting practitioner specializing in pregnancy and relationship coaching.  My goal is to help you to heal yourself from negative emotions that are keeping you from experiencing love and joy in your life. Here I am relaying my personal experience with EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and how it saved my life.

At the stroke of midnight welcoming the new year of 2011, I had a premonition and my first thought was “Welcome the year of Death”. Little did I know how prophetic that premonition would be. Little did I realize how 2011 would become an emotional “perfect storm,” and that EFT, something I hardly knew about as I stood there toasting the New Year would become the life raft I would need to survive that perfect storm.

Prior to the start of 2011 I had a lot of stress in my family, there was gravely ill parents, parenting stress raising 4 boys, and marital stress where my husband and I were just not getting along or communicating well. I made it a mission to make changes in my life. So I started studying energy healing and different forms of it online which led me to EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). I saw how varied the uses were, that you can use it for anything. A strong statement I know, but little did I know how handy the tool would become. In April of 2011 I attended the Level 1 & 2 certification courses offered by EFT Universe and shortly thereafter the storm began.

Several people died through the following months. Basically, one person per month starting on Mother’s Day through August, a total of 5 people, two family members, a colleague, a young adult (child of friends) and a teenager.  Where’s the oxygen? The amount of stress this generated amplified the poor communication patterns that had unknowingly been established with my husband for several years. Our relationship teetered on a breaking point.  I had thought I was in a happy marriage of 30 years but very quickly realized that we had not been happy for a very long time.  This was all so unexpected. Suddenly my whole psychic planet exploded and then my marriage almost exploded. It was the perfect storm at the perfect time with EFT perfectly in place to help us through it.

The stress of that year led to a crisis in my marriage and if it wasn’t for EFT we would not have survived it intact.  This was a very intense time in my life, without EFT I don’t know where I would be right now. My intention is that through my story I will be able to reach out and help others.

Bottom line, I would not have been able to survive it without using EFT. And today my marriage and relationship with my family is stronger than ever. Because we were able to clear the negative emotions from events that happened earlier in our lives we became happier and stronger as a couple and our communication with each other has become open and clear, without any judgments or fear. I have better control over my inner thoughts and emotions. It’s like I ran to the edge of the cliff but was able to stop myself from jumping off!

Even though it was a huge crisis, it was a crisis of perfection. All the pieces were in place so that there was a soft landing spot, as opposed to being all over the cement. I had discovered EFT in 2008 via a free download of the EFT Manual and had put it on the back burner at that time. When I had the intuitive sense that 2011 was going to be a challenging year I used it to prepare myself to meet the challenges. I found that not only was I able to meet them but I came out stronger and it enabled me to grow in tremendous ways. As individuals, and as a couple, we came out healthier and stronger than before we went in.

Before our marriage crisis we were not talking to each other and not connecting. We were functioning on auto pilot. But now on the other side of it life is great. We are communicating, connecting and generally feeling well despite the ongoing stressors outside of our relationship. Instead of overreacting to each other, we listen, respond, and connect. In an ideal world we all want to make it through the challenges in life. EFT was not just a coping mechanism; it was a mechanism for growth and thriving.

Everything turned around so well by using EFT and Matrix Reimprinting that when 2012 rang in my first thought was “Welcome the year of Hope”!

My services are designed to help women prepare for childbirth by releasing any negative emotions they may have before or during pregnancy towards conceiving, giving birth or after the birth. I also want to help couples meet and grow through the challenges in their relationship. Please feel free to contact me.